what i think about death

(the following is a bit morbid and "religious" so proceed at your own interest)

some of you know that a few weeks ago chloe's classmate's dad passed away from stomach cancer.  he was 40 and knew it was coming for many months.  the months and weeks and days before his passing were especially traumatic.  i would see his daughter, H, coming to school wearing an oversized shirt so she could have a part of her dad with her during the day.  it just broke my heart to think about him having to say goodbye to his wife and children.  it broke my heart knowing his wife had to go on without him.  it broke my heart that his kids would miss him their whole lives. i had a chance to go to his funeral and had such a hard time keeping it together whenever i saw his family or pictures of them.

as a bible-believing christian, i found myself really struggling with what i said i believed.  i do believe in an afterlife.  but, according to jesus, "no one comes to the father but by me (jesus)."  the gospel of john is pretty clear about it. (john 3:14-16, john 3:36, john 6:40, romans 6:23, etc. etc.)  also, all through the bible, god judged people who did not believe or obey him--adam and eve, the israelites, the people during the time of noah.  the bible is also full of warning for people who think they are going to heaven but are not-- matt 7:21, john 5:24, matt 25, etc. etc). 

it's sobering for me to think about.  i really don't want to believe it.  i didn't really know H's dad who passed away --there was no mention of his faith at the funeral.  if he didn't believe in jesus (and it's not just a matter of saying you believe but how that showed in your life.  matt 25:31-46 is clear for that), does that mean he is in hell? 

most people think of christians as those who celebrate christmas and easter, but what jesus calls us to is so much more radical--it's not just living a clean, safe life, providing for your family and avoiding the "no-no's".  although, i initially believed in christ because of the "fire insurance" (hell, fire and brimstone preaching when i was 6!), i later saw how god can change and use lives in amazing ways and was drawn to how radically different jesus was in his teaching and call (the religious leaders hated him).  if i really believe this stuff, does it make a difference in how i see other people?  it should.  some of you might not believe this but hopefully you see how i can't help sharing if i say i really believe this.  i haven't experienced a lot of death personally...but it's coming.  this experience really got me thinking and i've been even anguished wrestling with it.  we're all going to die.  H's dad at least had many months to prepare and think about it.  i'm not sure we'll all have the same opportunity.

my thoughts on school

i've had a lot of opportunities to think about school this fall and my background as a mother, an educator, and a former brown-nosing grade-monger have left me somewhat conflicted.  but, i have to say, although my daughter is only in 1st grade, i'm feeling more secure in my views ...for the moment.

basically, here it is (and feel free to object and comment as i, an opinionated and critical person, should be able to take what i dish out).  school (at least in the elementary years) should be safe and engaging, ignite a love of learning and creativity, teach social values of respect and community, be connected to a child's experiences as much as possible.  there is a school down the way (let's call it B.M.) that is a highly gifted magnet.  there is our school (CHIME) that chloe is attending right now, a charter school that is inclusionary for children with special needs (20% of the population are kids with special needs).  we, and many other parents, waffle between the two.  on the one hand, chloe's school is an amazing school that includes all of the characteristics i mentioned above.  on the other hand, BM has the highest test score around.  in thinking about these two schools, a few main ideas keep standing out for me: 

1.  academics.  first of all, this is not the be all and end all for my kids' success.  on the contrary, her ability to work well with others, respect those who are not like her, have compassion for someone who is in need, use her talents and skills to help others--THESE are what i believe are things to be valued and pursued.

2.  pushing.  from my experiences, pushing kids (and adults) usually backfires.  it takes away their own motivation and joy for doing something.  kids need to take ownership of their learning and discovery as much as possible.  BM is known for having LOTS of homework.  my thought is that early elementary school homework should be relatively light, relevant and fun.  mostly it is to get the kids in the habit of doing it for later years but should not be a crying, begging ordeal.  there are so many ways to enrich learning that do not include more work, but rather create outlets for kids to pursue their own interests in new ways.  kids need time and opportunity to develop these interests.  (this "pushing" opinion applies to having pets and taking music lessons...but that is another entry)

i love that chloe told me all about the fact that she and her big buddy have the same name, but didn't tell me that her big buddy was in a wheelchair and couldn't speak. (she has a special machine)  i love the fact that the tone of the school is not about "weeding out those who can't keep up" but rather valuing each person for who they are.  chloe's desk-mate is also a boy with special needs and she has the unique opportunity to be a friend and helper for him.  where in the world would she get some of these opportunities?!?!  chime is such a special place.  this is not to say academics is not emphasized.  but, the way things are taught give kids a chance to experience and learn for understanding--vs. the traditional listen to the teacher at the board.  this brings me to my last point.

3.  what do we really remember from school?  for me, it was the projects (long-term ones especially).  i've been volunteering at an alternative high school for pregnant teens and am a bit disappointed by their "school."  basically, it's independent study, working through questions at the end of the chapter and taking a test.  there is NO retention, NO understanding of the material, NO point (i feel) in doing this!  it's such a waste of time.  as a former teacher, i believe less is more--teach less but deeper and have it connect in someway with the student's life.  it needs to be relevant.  also, it needs to be DONE by the student and not TOLD to the student.  we don't learn to drive, cook, put something together, etc. by reading or hearing , we learn by doing it.  (some homeschool curricula raise this same issue for me)

i need to put an end to this rambling but in case some of you are wondering where i'm coming from (because we ALL speak from our personal biases), here is a little of my own background that shapes this essay:  my parents did not push me at all academically.  they supported and encouraged me but never got me tutors or sent me to summer school.  i found old papers from first grade where i had more than half the questions wrong or "see me" written at the top.  they never batted an eye (as far as i remember).  my mom kept me company at the HW table but discouraged me from staying up too late to study.  they were supportive about school but not crazy.  i went to all public schools and enjoyed being more of a "big fish" in a small pond.  very thankful i was not at a competitive private college prep school--might have gotten a better education academically, but it would have stressed me out big time.  most important, church stuff was a priority (we had an amazing youth ministry and staff at our church).  we NEVER missed sundays, wednesday night youth groups, small discipleship groups, service camps, church camps, etc.  there was never a question of missing church for school stuff.  when i was applying for college and totally stressed out, my good friend told me, pray and ask god to send you where he wants you to be.  never forgot that advice--it applies beyond college quite nicely. 

and that's all i have to say about that.....(yeah right)  ok, bring on the comments!

loving our neighbors' kids

as i'm constantly challenged each week at cornerstone to "love my neighbor," i'm also trying to find ways that i can involve my daughters in this as well.  i know my cousin takes her kids with her to deliver meals to the elderly (meals on wheels) but driving around with 2 kids squabbling in the back through traffic is not exactly appealing to me.   there are also places like the children's hunger fund where you can pack boxes of food and other supplies but that is not easy for a 2-year-old to do.  there is the soup kitchen thing but once again, audrey is a bit young. 

well, after much asking around, i did find an opportunity that all of us could do together.  my friend who works for the san fernando rescue mission suggested we bring a craft to do with the kids after school.  there is not a lot going on for kids at the shelter and a fun craft would be welcomed.  well, i'm not the crafty mom in the least.  but the science teacher part of me came out and i came up with a nice "learning craft"--the life cycle of a butterfly.  (my sis esther helped me make a lovely template).  at first, audrey stuck to my leg and didn't open her mouth.  chloe was also a bit shy and overwhelmed.  after awhile, however, they both loosened up and joined in with the other kids in making the craft.  a lot of kids showed up (i was told to expect anywhere from 2-9 kids, but we had 14 including my 2).  both chloe and audrey loved the experience and are looking forward to coming back again --we're going to make it a regular commitment.  more than anything, i want them to learn kindness, compassion, god's love for others, and thankfulness in whatever situation they are in.  we parents spend so much time driving our kids to this enrichment activity and that sport but i think that giving kids an opportunity to serve is even more of an enriching experience that teaches so many more life-long values and qualities.

if anyone has other suggestions for service projects families can to do together, please share!  (once the girls are a little older, i would love to go on a mission trip together)

kids making and learning.  (you can see the bunkbed cots in the background).  one boy read the very hungry caterpiller.

(aunty es made a lovely template for me)

another fun activity the kids did this week was building a birdhouse at lowe's build and grow program for kids.  they have these free programs about twice a month  (home depot has a similar kids worshops once a month). 

my little mochi

as much as i gripe about audrey's constant "mommy-ing," i'm sensing the end of baby and toddlerhood.  audrey will start preschool this september and i will finally have time each day without both kids! (not a whole lot of time, but we're not complaining)  this has not happened for almost 6 years!  it's the light at the end of the tunnel i've been dreaming about. 

at the same time, i'm cherishing my last months with audrey at home all day.  we don't do all the classes i used to do with chloe.  she just accompanies me on all my errands or drives--take and pick-up chloe to school, go to the store, visit grandparents, go to the ymca, etc.  yesterday, she wanted to wear her princess costume to go pick up chloe.  i hesitated and then said ok.  as we were walking around school and later the store, i realized i had become one of those moms who lets their kid run around in costumes when it's nowhere near halloween!

she love to chat with me as we go along our way.  unfortuantely, she still has no sense of what is appropriate to say or not.  we walked by a very large woman.  after saying hello to her (even asking her name because audrey wanted to know her name), she asked me very loudly, "mom, what's in her tummy?"  i felt the blood rush to my face as i tried to ignore her.  she asked again and i had by this time pulled her a little away and quietly said, "nothing."  she just said, "oh."

when we're in the public restrooms, she always wants to know who else is there.  she asks all about whose shoes those are and who is going pee-pee.  one time a woman was having some diarrhea.  she asked in her nice loud voice, "mom!  is that poo-poo or pee-pee?"

i find her extra scruptious these days.  maybe it's because her body and face are still plumpish and soft like mochi.  she's very squeezable and edible.

someone give my husband a medal!

for those of you with kids, trying to get away for an evening is not the easiest thing to negotiate with the spouse.  now, i'm not saying geoff does not let me go out with the girls when i want to (and i do go to the ymca 2-3 evenings a week) but i sometimes feel bad doing things for myself and leaving him with the kids.

so, you can imagine my surprise when after lunch sunday, he suggests that i take off one night a week to do something enriching for myself.  (blink, blink, blink...you talkin' to me?!)  he was thinking of ways to nurture his wife (thank you cornerstone small group!) and thought i might enjoy taking a class or whatever to grow, learn something new, talk to someone older than 5.  after picking my gaping jaw off the ground and giving him a big hug, i began thinking what i'd like to do to "enrich myself."  i'm not the artsy or musical type, so that rules out those types of activities.  i'm also not into dance (except in my own living room) or sports (except tae kwon do and i can do that at the ymca).  maybe learn spanish?  maybe a cooking class?  maybe take out my dad for an evening or do a class together with him.  maybe meet up with a friend and go to a show or exhibit?  i haven't really had the freedom to think like this in a long time but i feel like my world has opened up a bit, thanks to my sweet, nurturing husband!